How to Become the Perfect Personal Assistant

I was not flattered when my boss asked me, “What exactly do you do all day?”

Right then I wanted to stuff him inside the cardboard box from the mini fridge that I’d just gone and bought for him; a request he’d made at 4:30pm yesterday. He didn’t seem to realize that it was me and not a magical fairy that lugged that fetish item five blocks from the store to stock it with his favorite drinks.

I got on the elevator steaming from what he’d said. The doors closed and I started the trip down... By the time the elevator reached the bottom, I realized that I’d become the Perfect Personal Assistant. Over the last five years I had become my employer’s invisible right hand.

To be a fabulous personal assistant you only have to do one thing: never leave the boss lacking. Now, granted, that ‘one thing’ actually consists of doing a million other things every day. But ultimately, your boss doesn’t want to be bothered with you, except to know that he isn’t left handling any of the messy details all by himself. Anything that takes longer than five minutes, (unless it’s golf) and involves some repetition is going to land on my shoulders.

MY NAME IS X To do my job well, I realized then, means to be quietly efficient and ignored. The whole time I exist outside his office working for him, answering emails, shielding him from people who waste his time, arranging travel itineraries, meetings, making dinner reservations, housecleaning, buying gifts for his clients, stocking his cabinets, taking care of his pets, picking up dry-cleaning, and shopping for everything from specialized balsa wood for his son’s model airplanes, to winter tires for his Aston Martin, is so he can focus on the end results, and completely ignore the journey.

HIGH TECH SHOPPING SECRET Of course, I’m always available any time he needs me, and that’s a tricky balance too. I rely heavily on technology to accomplish my tasks faster and make my life easier. LOCAL SEARCH – I impress everyone in the office with my speed and accuracy using Poynt. You can get it by adding ‘poynt@live.com’ to Microsoft® Windows Live Messenger™ or ‘Poynt’ to AIM®. Wherever I happen to be in the city, at the airport, or at the office supplies store, I can type keywords into Poynt to find the closest venue, and the service lists phone numbers and plots the business locations on an easy to read Microsoft Virtual Earth map. Poynt is my own invisible right hand.

WE BUY ME GIFTS Mr. Executive does appreciate me, in spite of his sometimes gruff demeanor. In fact, he bought me a fabulous designer handbag for my birthday a few weeks ago. Okay so I was actually the one who went out and made the purchase. “Arrange these birthday gifts,’ he said, then added, ‘include one for yourself”, and he gave me a generous budget. Later that day when I typed “fashion accessories” into Poynt it brought up all my favourite stores in the downtown area, and some I didn’t know existed that were remarkably close to work. One was only a block away from where I had to drop off a package - so I made a stop. Wouldn’t you know it, they were having a sale!

THE SECRET JOY OF THE INVISIBLE PA Personal assistants everywhere have been struggling to find the balance between too much and too little face time with their boss. When in doubt, too little is probably better. If you’re always available he or she will definitely know that you’re keen to take instructions; but if you’re always standing there waiting instead of running around and doing stuff, it sends a clear message that you’re under utilized. The key is to be there without actually being present. If you ever go out of the office, make sure to leave evidence of your excellence behind. Stack some recently completed work on your desk or leave his dry cleaning draped over your chair. Make a pyramid shaped pile of packages ready to be mailed, and or even having a wall calendar full of scribbled notations regarding the jobs for the day is enough to satisfy anyone that you are gainfully employed. Check in when you return, and try not to be empty-handed. Finally, you should always, always be carrying a PDA or at the very least, a pen and notepad whenever you work in close proximity to senior staff.

Follow these tips to executive status – someday you’ll have your own assistant. Now when he asks me, “what exactly do I pay you for?” I just smile and say, “To make you look perfect.”